so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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