That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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