What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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