Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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