just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
