I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
