sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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