Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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