i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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