its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
