I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize