I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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