we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
