dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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