How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your dad touched me again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
