Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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