I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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