I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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