Already got asked if we're dating
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
