Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
