THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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