Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
