Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your topless pictures make me question reality
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
