aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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