so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
