his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
