Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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