Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
