my being single is dangerous.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
