I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
