I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
