I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
