I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My feet surprised me
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