Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
