I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
