I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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