I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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