I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
