it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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