I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
