I'm really into asian looking animals
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
