I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
