so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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