he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
