I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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