u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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