Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
