I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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