I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
