i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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