As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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