She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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