Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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