I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
