what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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