how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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