Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
