she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
