i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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