I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
