i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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