Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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