I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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