i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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