Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
