That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
