take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
