I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
