one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
